Linktree To Become First Quadrillion-Dollar Tech Unicorn
“It’s Like a Tree… Of Links”
Those were the words of Alex Zaccaria, the founder and CEO of Linktree, to his Uber driver in Palo Alto, the night in which, under the influence of very strong cocaine, he came up with the app idea.
Linktree, a platform allowing users to create a page with links to all their online profiles, is more than meets the eye.
“The HT of HTTP stands for Hypertext,” says Zaccaria, “We hope to rename it to LTTP, or Linktree Transfer Protocol.”
The internet is like a series of tubes, and Linktree aims to be the biggest tube of them all — a bulky shaft that connects the world.
Critics say that Linktree is nothing more than a glorified directory, but Zaccaria disagrees.
“The internet has outgrown its roots as an open platform. It’s time to bring its main concept — the link — under the control of a few select companies. If we manage that, the rest of the infrastructure will follow. Linktree is best positioned to become the next ICANN.”
Should you invest $1,000 in Linktree right now?
We contacted Alessandra Pumpndump, high priestess at Oracle Corporation, to get her opinion on the matter. “Zaccaria is an honest man and, like every techbro since the 90s, feels a deep shame and frustration that he wasn’t around to gatewall the early internet protocols. But goddamn, he might actually pull it off.”
Sandra Fomo, CEO of PanicCoin, is one of Linktree’s biggest investors. “We believe that Linktree is already triumphant in several higher planes of existence. Indeed, I’ve been receiving signals that I can only interpret as nodes of a Linktree from another dimension trying to join forces with our own.”
Thanks for reading! If you enjoy humorous tech stories like these and want to support me to keep writing forever, consider signing up to become a Medium member. It’s $5 a month, giving you unlimited access to stories on Medium. If you sign up using my link, I’ll earn a small commission. You can also follow me on Medium and Twitter.
